Entry tags:

alex cabot, femslash, fic, open post

Title: Pieces
Author: cleo (cleo2584)
Fandom: Law and Order SVU
Pairing(s): Alex/Olivia
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 840
Summary: Alex pieces together what she can remember.
A/N: Set soon after Alex returns to SVU in season 10.
Disclaimer: SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC.

She brushed her fingers across her shoulder, touch whisper light before she drew them away and curled them into a loose fist. Raindrops were pooling and separating as they trickled down the cab window, which was fogging from her breath as she pressed her forehead to it. It was nights like this that Alex imagined phantom pains along with wisps of pieced together memories—the cold ground, Olivia above her, distant sirens.

The fears had strangely subsided since she had come back to the city, but without that to drive her, without looking over her shoulder and longing, Alex was left with wishes, with regrets that she did not like to admit. If she had stayed with Olivia that night and the night after it and the night after that… It had been a hasty decision, motivated by pride more than fear.

Alex closed her eyes. She uncurled her fist, letting her fingers splay across her lap. For a moment, she could almost feel Olivia’s lips, ghostly soft as they kissed each one. The cab was beginning to slow, but Alex closed her eyes tighter, trying to hold the moment. It was gone, and she was methodically reaching into her purse, pulling out cash. She didn’t bother with an umbrella as she hurried into her building.

The smell of her damp hair filled the elevator. Alex leaned against the wall, taking it in, breath catching as she flexed her fingers, remembering the feel of Olivia’s hair against them, the feel of her fingers pressing through the curls between Olivia’s legs. She had spent so long trying not to remember the warmth, the scent. And now, it was too easy only because she knew memory was all she would have left of it.

Alex was almost ashamed that she preferred it that way. The elevator bell seemed distant, but it pulled Alex away from her thoughts. She stretched her fingers before pushing off of the wall, rummaging in her purse for her keys. The lights came up automatically as Alex opened the door, and she stepped into the empty apartment, tossing her keys into a ceramic bowl on a table in the entry and slipping off her coat as usual.

She slipped out of her shoes, picking them to take them to her closet despite her inclination to leave them by the door. Instead of going back to the kitchen to find something to eat, she went into her bathroom, drawing a too hot bath. Alex took her clothing off, her fingers brushing her own skin. She shivered, thinking of Olivia’s lips on her neck. Had they done this before? Alex sat on the edge of the tub and let her fingers dangle in the water. She couldn’t remember; there probably hadn’t been time.

If there had… Alex closed her eyes as she sank into the tub. She let the water run for a few moments before turning it off. There were no bubbles to fill the room with their scent, with faint sounds as they popped. Alex could hear her own breathing, sharp as she laid back, nipples just above the water. She traced the line of her middle up, circling one nipple and then the other.

Olivia’s touch was always firm. Alex rolled her nipples between her fingers trying, failing to imitate it. She moaned softly anyway. When she sank deeper into the water, she pressed her hands down her body, feeling it as if it wasn’t hers, imagining, wondering what Olivia had felt. She pressed her palm between her legs, twining her fingers idly through her curls. And Alex wondered if…when Olivia had pressed her fingers into herself, had thought of Alex’s taste and of her touch. She pressed into her hand, pushing her fingers between her lips, gasping at the warmth of the water.

It was cruel to indulge, to delight in something that she had avoided, that she told herself she couldn’t, wouldn’t have. But Alex delighted nonetheless, just as she had done in her engagement bed and afterwards, when that ended. She began to circle her clit, sweat forming on her brow, her shoulders. She could feel Olivia’s tongue, her palms pressing her hips down, and Alex moaned.

She had met Olivia’s questions with cool avoidance, and she knew there could be nothing beyond that. Alex had longed for it once and sometimes longed for it still. But memory… She circled quickly, pressing into her own skin, knowing they had both moved on. As much as they could… Alex’s breath caught at the thought of Olivia pressing her fingers into her, pausing to moan her name. And she came, allowing a soft whimper that she only ever gave to the silence.

Alex opened her eyes to the too bright lights. She took drew in a quick breath and stood, letting the water drip down her sides as it cooled. What had happened next—languishing until the water grew cold, washing her hair? She couldn’t remember, but she had to be at the office early the next day.